General Interest

Persuasive sentences make for a persuasive brief. A persuasive sentence, in the words of James Thurber, “makes something that was ground out sound as if it were dashed off.” A “dashed off” sentence flows briskly, with no impediments for the reader. But when we write briefs, we often create impediments because we simply don't notice hurdles that bring the reader to a dead stop. The following six tips remove these hurdles, allowing the reader to sail along at a quick and satisfying pace.

1. Omit needless words. This command from “The Elements of Style” is the most important principle for a persuasive sentence. Needless words put the burden on the reader to figure out what the writer should have made clear in the first place. The first step is to omit words that do no useful work—adjectives or adverbs that mean the same as the nouns or verbs they modify (e.g., “an untenable contradiction”), or hollow words or phrases that add no meaning (e.g., “actual,” “clear,“ “dimension,” “it is important to note that,” “meaningful,” “ongoing,” “process,” “having said that,” “very,“ “virtually”). Second, omit information that the reader knows because it was stated before. Third, omit information that is implicit (e.g., “in this case”). Fourth, omit information that does not advance your argument (e.g., “This issue was addressed in Smith v Jones.”)

To decide—word by word and phrase by phrase—what to omit is a constant struggle. “Very few sentences come out right the first time, or even the third time,” says writing guru William Zinsser, who warns that “[f]ighting clutter is like fighting weeds—the writer is always slightly behind.” Even for E. B. White, the phrase “the fact that” (which made Prof. Strunk “quiver with revulsion”) crept into his writing “a thousand times in the heat of composition,” yet he managed to revise it out only “five hundred times in the cool aftermath.” White's confession of failing half the time to delete this unwanted phrase shows that omitting needless words requires constant vigilance.

2. Choose a strong subject. A persuasive sentence starts with a strong subject—usually a person (or persons) taking action. Avoid weak subjects like “There is” or “It is.” This fault appears in Bush v. Gore (2000) 531 US 98, 121 S Ct 525, where the majority applied equal protection to the right to vote and then wrote: “There is no difference between the two sides of the present controversy on these basic propositions.” A stronger (and shorter) sentence would make people the subject: “The parties do not disagree on these basic propositions.”

People taking action are stronger subjects than concepts and abstractions, which obscure the point. For example, a powerful picture is created by this verse from Ecclesiastes, which starts with a person and follows with vivid details: “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift . . . .” George Orwell, to make a point, drained this passage of its power by replacing the person and the details with abstractions: “Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities . . . .”

Beware how easy it is to write in abstractions. One Ninth Circuit brief said: “The duty owing from defendants to plaintiff in the abstract will vary . . . relative to the juxtaposition of the real world environmental encasement of the two sides. The concept of causation would seem less plastic.” Not a person or concrete detail in sight. The court rejected this gobbledygook, admonishing counsel that “[b]riefs should be written in the English language.” Gottreich v San Francisco Investment Corp., (9th Cir 1977) 552 F2d 866, 867.

3. Link the sentence to prior text. Sentences flow smoothly when they are clearly linked. A link is created by a subject that repeats or refers back to the prior thought. For example, when Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that we are endowed “with certain unalienable rights,” he linked the following phrases to that point by referring back to “these” rights: “that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness—That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men . . . .”
A link is also created by starting the sentence with a signal, alerting the reader to the logic of the next thought. For example, to add a point, use “And,” “Also,” or “Further.” To introduce a series of points, use “First,” “Second,” and so forth. To introduce a contrasting point, use “But,” “Yet,” “Still,” or “By contrast.” To introduce a cause, use “Because,” “When,” or “As a result of.” To introduce an effect, use “Hence,” “Thus,” or “So.” To make a minor concession, use “Although.” To press a point, use “Indeed.” To restate a point, use “In short.” To apply authority, use “Under.” Such signals orient the reader and thus make the sentence more persuasive.

4. Avoid long introductory clauses. Long introductory clauses obscure the point. They require the reader to retain information before the reader knows its relationship to the subject. For example, in Bush v Gore the majority wrote: “Rejecting the Circuit Court's conclusion that Palm Beach County lacked the authority to include the 215 net votes submitted past the November 26 deadline, the [Florida] Supreme Court explained that the deadline was not intended to exclude votes identified after that date through ongoing manual recounts.” This cumbersome sentence saddles the reader with 24 words before reaching the subject. The meaning becomes clearer by putting the subject at the start: “The [Florida] Supreme Court, in rejecting the Circuit Court's conclusion that Palm Beach County lacked authority to include the 215 net votes submitted past the November 26 deadline, explained that the deadline was not intended to exclude votes identified after that date through ongoing manual recounts.”

5. Put citations last (or in a footnote). Starting a sentence with a citation also obscures the sentence's point, yet lawyers (and some judges) do it all the time. A more persuasive design starts with the point and puts the cite at the sentence's end. Some appellate justices now go even further to eliminate citation clutter, either putting the entire cite in a footnote or (for important cases) stating in the text just the case name (plus the court and year if useful) and putting the numbers and dates in footnotes. For examples of putting citations in footnotes, read People v Dey (2000) 84 C4th 1318, 101 CR 2d 581, and People v Frazier (2001) 89 CA4th 30, 107 CR2d 100. As these opinions show, putting citations in footnotes cleans up the text marvelously for the drafter and the reader. Because all the important case information is in the text, the reader is freed from having to read footnotes (except for research).

6. End with the point of emphasis. The most emphatic place in a clause or sentence is the end. So put the main point there. Do not squander the position of emphasis by ending with a date, case name, party name, or qualifying phrase, unless that is the sentence's point. For example, to challenge an expert's testimony because the water sample tested from a contaminated well was too small, do not write: “The expert tested too small a sample from the well.” Instead, put the point of emphasis at the end: “The sample that the expert tested from the well was too small.”

By following these tips for persuasive sentences, you will be well on your way to filing persuasive briefs.

Back to top

Daniel U. Smith

March CLE Program: Smith on Persuasive Legal Writing

3 hours MCLE Credit, including 1 hour in Law Practice Management
Specialization: Appellate Law
Product Number: MI08574
Enrollment Fee: $195.00
Passport Holder: FREE (Discounts applied at final checkout. Assumes adequate hours on Passport)